Black Girl Tells It Like It Is

by Michelle Denise Jackson

Black Girl's older brother is not a feminist.
I repeat, Black Girl's older brother is not a feminist.
Older brother usually says the most fucked up things about Black Girls.
Black Girl usually laughs every time.
Older brother usually only dates Asian women.
Black Girl knows her brother loves her,
she just gets confused sometimes,
wonders if her older brother forgets what kind of woman he comes from.
Black Girl forgives her brother's trespasses,
hopes her sons never trespass against her.
hopes her daughters never forgive them, if they do.

Black Girl used to cut her wrists in high school;
her favorite colors for an entire year were red and brown.
Black Girl hid knives and scissors under her bed,
because the only monster to fear was herself.
When Black Girl's father found out,
he told her that Black Girls do not get depressed—
that depression was a weakness for White women.
Daddy was only trying to help build her into the inheritance of her skin,
but Black Girl knows her father can never speak on this house
if he's never lived in it.

Black Girl's first love was a White Boy.
Why has she spent most of her life loving White Boys?
Does Black Girl think this love is colonization in reverse?
Black Girl allows White Boy to treat her like shit,
allows White Boy to (almost) fuck her best friend.
Black Girl becomes crazy over White Boy.
He tells her she's too much drama.
Black Girl is like, "You're the fucking playwright."
Black Girl has spent the rest of her adolescence trying
to decolonize the way she loves.

Black Girl's first everything else was a Black Boy.
Black Girl loved Black Boy,
thought that loving others is how you get them to love you.
Black Girl learned all the ways she was wrong.
Black Boy thought himself a man
grew up between two continents
got tired of being Middle Passage.
Black Boy mistook Black Girl's body for a refuge,
only learned how to invade and pillage, never how to stay.
Black Boy stole all of Black Girl's heirlooms.
Black Girl boarded up her body and declared it condemned.
Black Girl finally started to move back in six months ago.
Black Girl usually speaks about how Black Boy raped her in metaphor.
I finally stopped speaking in metaphor about my rape six months ago.

Black Girl spent the first 23 years of her life
believing that men were the axis by which she spins.
Black Girl seeks a new physics now.
Black Girl finally stopped calling God "He" a few months ago.
Black Girl never bows on her knees when she prays.
Black Girl, hallelujah.
Black Girl, shot gun.
Black Girl, sky.
Black Girl, bloom.
Black Girl, woman.

Black Girl has a new name now:
Black Woman.
Pronounce it correctly.

Photo credit: Deposit Photos