I have found myself searching for the thing inside myself that refuses to let my light dim
the thing that protects my holy
the thing that allows me to be funny
and intelligent
and vulnerable
and insecure
and powerful
all at once
I am a black girl who is ferociously determined and incredibly sensitive
I am a black woman who is actively protecting the black girl within,
making up for the way I let the world abuse me;
making up for the way I let me abuse me
I am a black woman trying to make space for myself in myself,
unlearning the self hate the world imbedded inside of my small brown body
I am a black woman who
remembers being ridiculed for being dark by grandmothers
remembers being poked and prodded at by white classmates
remembers sticking fingers down throats to reach perfection
remembers thinking whiteness was synonymous with perfection
I am a black woman soiled in trauma that I’ll be unlearning for the rest of my life;
that I’ll be decoding for the rest of my life
I am a black woman who is many things
and is determined to be them all at once.
